THIS BLOG IS MY BLOG. THIS BLOG IS MY BLOG. Welcome to the Home of Hyperopia.: Flying Naked Biker Chick Wine

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Flying Naked Biker Chick Wine

Inspired by the Velvet Fog getting after it with some highly enjoyable blogging, I went out yesterday to buy some wine. In honor of the Velvet Fog being such a kick-ass bike rider, I bought -- for about $12 -- a bottle of Pinot Noir that had for its label a picture of a naked chick soaring through the air holding on to the handlebars of a bicycle. I'm pretty sure it was this picture (which according to the website of the factory where they make the wine is real art from France from a long time ago) that inspired Steven Speilberg to fly E.T. across the face of the moon full tilt BMX.

But enough of that babbling.

I corked this wine with an implement designed specifically for that purpose. And I poured out some of it into a vessel designed specifically for that purpose. And I took a big, deliberate whiff of it using an orifice designed specifically for that purpose.

It was not a pleasant experience.

But for the sake of science I drank it anyway. I'd say the wine and the soggy, cool Quizno's sandwich I was eating with it rated about the same on my scale. I could force myself to put portions of each of them into my mouth and swallow, but not to have done so would've been preferable.

After the "meal," I popped the rest of what was in the bottle into the refrigerator.

A couple of hours later I went back to give it another try. I figured maybe because my first glass had been @ room temperature (I popped it open right when we got home from the liquor store) I hadn't given the naked biker chick her propers. I poured several ounces of the dark, rich fluid into a plastic Dora the Explorer cup and wandered back to the computer.

I drank it down.

It was better the second time, but it still didn't inspire. But I'm not at all sure it's reasonable or appropriate for me to blame the craftsman (manufacturer) here; more likely I'm the tool. I don't have a good sense of smell. I don't have a discerning sense of taste. It tasted like wine to me. Plus most of the day today I had a headache. And I never even got a buzz off the two glasses I put away.

I suck.

And so tonight my wife poured the rest of it down the kitchen sink while I was out in the backyard playing with the chilluns.

God love her.


Blogger Velvet Fog said...

Dora the explorer cup? Quizno's?
You may as well have filtered the wine through your hairy ass crack.


8:51 AM, October 21, 2007  
Anonymous Farm Dog said...

an excellent entry. up there with the fishing one.

10:36 AM, October 21, 2007  

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