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Friday, September 30, 2005

The Flies (and the Neighs) Have It


Have you ever experienced a heightened awareness of your surroundings as a result of being in a stressful, perhaps semi-dangerous situation? Me too. There does seem to be something about peril that gets some of us on our toes.

Consider Hurricane Rita. As loyal readers know, when Hurricane Rita was headed Houston way, traffic leaving Houston was badly snarled. And the storm was expected to come ashore to the south and west of Houston (this would have been bad). And we were in our house, closely, diligently, and consciously monitoring the situation.

It was in that spirit of alertness that we finally made our escape, and given the circumstances, we retained that alertness through the balance of our trip and until we settled in at my father's house. And so it is that I credit Hurricane Rita for helping me reach an understanding regarding this collection of observations:

  • There are very, very few houseflies in Houston.
  • There are considerably more houseflies in and around San Antonio than Houston.
  • There are very, very few cows in Houston.
  • There are considerably more cows in and around San Antonio.

CONCLUSIONS:

Where there are cows, there will be houseflies. And were there aren't cows, there won't be nearly as many houseflies. I should've been able to figure this out without the aid of anxiety-induced alertness. Iowa and Nebraska have heaps of cows (and pigs) and flies. There is an apropos ancient wisdom, after all: "they'll be on that like flies on shit."

Leading me to expand (or refine, I'm not sure which) my conclusion: where there are cows and pigs there will be shit lying around outside, and where there is shit lying around outside there will be houseflies.

14 Comments:

Blogger Complete Game said...

That's shit. And that's Shinola.

7:13 AM, September 30, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You've got to be kidding me. Do like to hear yourself babble?

10:05 AM, September 30, 2005  
Blogger garrett said...

Oh, I didn't think his comment was THAT inappropriate. Please be civil to your fellow commentors.

10:13 AM, September 30, 2005  
Blogger Chris said...

You ever seen a man reach inside a cow and pull out a calf? Good stuff.

11:28 AM, September 30, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who is giving anonymous a bad name? Be cool man. There is only one anonymous.

12:12 PM, September 30, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Spear, i think you should devote a blog update to how you got your nickname, PK. Now that's a good story!

12:54 PM, September 30, 2005  
Anonymous Farm Dog said...

sorry, i didn't mean to post that previous comment as anonymous. i am and always will be FD

12:55 PM, September 30, 2005  
Anonymous Tommy said...

You can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a cow's ass, but wouldn't you rather take a butcher's word for it?

8:01 PM, September 30, 2005  
Blogger The Velvet Fog said...

There are very few flies in the greater Chicago standard metropolitan statistical area. SMSA. How do you like them apples?

There are also, very few cows. Unless you happen to be at an Oberweis, then it is cow city, but still relatively few flies.

8:05 PM, September 30, 2005  
Blogger The Velvet Fog said...

Nothing but steers and queers come from Texas, and you don't look much like a steer to me, so that kind of narrows it down now doesn't it?

8:06 PM, September 30, 2005  
Blogger The Velvet Fog said...

Did your parents have any children that lived?

Did I ever mention that I met R. Lee Ermey (spelling?) in the Atlanta airport? He's cool.

I asked him for a reach around.

8:08 PM, September 30, 2005  
Blogger garrett said...

I am confident there are more flies in Chicago than in Houston. You are full of steaming cowpies.

There's a fog clouding your vision, there Phineas.

12:57 PM, October 01, 2005  
Blogger Chris said...

They're paying for it, you eat it!

7:13 PM, October 01, 2005  
Blogger Complete Game said...

Are you a Peter Puffer!?!

1:09 PM, October 05, 2005  

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