On Contests You're In - Part 1

Back in college, a friend and I had a contest. We each had a water bottle with two liters of water in it. We agreed to drink as much water as we could and not to pee for as long as we could -- we were hoping to make it one hour. Then the plan was to go into the restroom in our dormitory and begin urinating at the same time. The winner of the contest would be, of course, the person who peed the longest. He who pisses last pisses longest, in other words.

I lost. By an embarrassing margin. If I remember correctly, I achieved something on the order of a 22 second stream. My friend managed over twice that -- nearly a minute. It was humiliating.

Last night as I reflected on this experience, I realized that if I had it to do over again, there are two modifications I would make. Two ways the contest should be changed to make it more equitable.

First, I think the diet -- both food and drink -- of the participants should be identical and carefully controlled for at least one week before the contest. It is entirely possible that part of the reason I lost is because of what I ate or drank (or didn't eat or drink) or what my fellow competitor ate or drank (or didn't) in the days and hours before we started the contest.

Secondly, I think the volume produced should also be measured. Different rivers flow at different speeds, after all. And if the purpose of the contest really is -- as I understood it to be -- to determine whether my body or my friend's body can produce more liquid waste under the chosen conditions/constraints, isn't volume probably more important than duration? Quantity exceeds chronology.

What do you think?