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Sunday, December 11, 2005

The Plebiscite - THE OUTCOME

The Jessica Alba Naked Fortnight is over. It was actually over about thirty-six hours ago. But I forgot about it all day yesterday, and I went to sleep at a reasonable hour on Friday so I don't know for sure what the BlogPatrol count was at midnight on Friday.

But I do know that now, thirty-six hours after the official end of the Jessica Alba Naked Fortnight, the BlogPatrol count is 1439. And I also know that at the beginning of the Jessica Alba Naked Fortnight, the BlogPatrol count was 1236.

With respect to Geena Davis, I know that at the beginning of the Geena Davis Naked Fortnight, the BlogPatrol count was 1,101, and at the end of the Geena Davis Naked Fortnight, the BlogPatrol count was 1,236.

So the BlogPatrol count increased by 135 unique visitors during the Geena Davis Naked Fortnight and by 203 unique visitors during the Jessica Alba Naked Fortnight. Taking this information at face value, and returning to the inquiry that prompted this experiment (i.e., who is "hotter," Geena Davis or Jessica Alba), we could reasonably conclude that more people wanted to see Jessica Alba naked than Geena Davis, and we could extrapolate further from that conclusion to assert that accordingly, based on a vote of "the people," Jessica Alba is hotter than Geena Davis.

But there are at least conflicting data, the sum total of which I believe render the drawing of any conclusions regarding Geena Davis or Jessica Alba about this entire affair inappropriately speculative.

First and foremost, an event occurred outside the scope of the inquiry which almost assuredly directed more unique (using that word as broadly as possible, especially given the context) users to this blog than any googling for nudity conducted by horny teenagers (in the case of Jessica Alba) or flabby pseudo-professionals in mid-life crisis (in the case of Geena Davis).

The event? Simply put, the effable Erin referenced one of my posts in her blog as her Sunday Share Time #4; see this entry. While this was of course flattering, it was also devastating to the integrity of the BlogPatrol count vis a vis Naked Geena vs. Naked Jessica. It was the random outlier (or other appropriate terminology from the universe of statistics). This event - Erin's pimping - was the mosquito in my sandwich.

Second, purely for scientific reasons, I typed in "Geena Davis Naked" and "Jessica Alba Naked" to Google. And despite drilling down through five to ten screens of results and despite examining some of the results I observed on those screens (again, for purely scientific reasons), I couldn't find a single reference to this blog. So I am unable, consistent with my moral code, to attribute BlogPatrol hits to perverts searching for naked pictures of these celebrities.

* * * * * *

So, the plebiscite has reached its end. The tide has risen and ebbed. The dust has been stirred and settled. And I am now prepared to declare the solitary inescable conclusion this experience has provoked; this is the truth, as communicated by the "people":

Purely for scientific reasons, of course.


Blogger FLAMINGO1 said...

Purrrrr...I'm down with that Garrett!!

12:22 PM, December 11, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bill Brasky is a 10-foot tall beast man who showers in vodka.

11:49 AM, December 12, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I masturbate to the telletubies.

11:50 AM, December 12, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Every morning I crap the bed

11:50 AM, December 12, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm legally retarded.

11:51 AM, December 12, 2005  
Blogger Erin O'Brien said...

It's Dec. 13 and I just got to this post, garrett.

Apparently, I effed up without either intending to eff up or even realizing I had effed up until now. Looks like my note to Self failed. (I am an eff up.)

My sincerest apologies. I offer you free use of all my base by way of recompense.

Further to your conclusion, however, I offer this: for some time now, I have been considering posting a nude photo of my effed up self on the Owner's Manual. Clearly, it's time to visit the topic in earnest. After all, I fully support giving the people what they want and it seems they want to know exactly with whom they are dealing.

The question is, will anyone actually google "Erin O'Brien Naked?"

Stay tuned, gentlemen (not including anonymous).

Yours, Erin

4:43 PM, December 13, 2005  
Blogger Erin O'Brien said...

Forgot to mention that I love you, garrett.

4:46 PM, December 13, 2005  
Blogger Erin O'Brien said...

Bold promises, garrett, are my specialty.

4:57 PM, December 13, 2005  
Blogger Complete Game said...

I watched 1976 King Kong last night on AMC. Jessica Lange was a mink in her day.

10:28 AM, December 14, 2005  
Blogger The Velvet Fog said...

Sing it Sister!
I recall having those exact thoughts the last time I saw that version of King Kong.

I'd still do her in Cape Fear.

2:07 PM, December 15, 2005  

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