THIS BLOG IS MY BLOG. THIS BLOG IS MY BLOG. Welcome to the Home of Hyperopia.: On "Free Lunches" - Part 1

Monday, December 05, 2005

On "Free Lunches" - Part 1

In college I had a friend who worked at a theater in town. We got to see a lot of movies for nothing. Sometimes after the last regular movie had finished and all the paying customers cleared out, they'd have "private screenings" and we'd all hang around and eat free popcorn and watch movies until very late. One other side benefit was that under the right circumstances (e.g., show not sold out or boss not there or busy), my friend could get us in free during regular shows. We would go through the line like regular folks but through some sort of coconut telegraph/secret club handshake combination of body language and sleight of hand we would get "tickets" without paying. I loved this. I was a huge fan. At the time I thought (and I still think - I'm a slow learner) this was totally cool. I was extremely lucky to have this friend. I was living the dream, watching movies for nothing.

So, proud of myself and grateful to my friend, I decided to show off. And on one of my first dates with the woman that eventually married me, I took her to a movie. And I implemented the cloak-and-dagger, wink wink nod nod manuever with my friend and his cronies in the theater and we got in for free. And we got free popcorn and free sodas. I was living the dream; I was confident I came across as cool and connected. What woman could resist?

Well, lucky for me, she didn't write me off completely. But it turns out that some chicks on first dates aren't impressed with guys who sneak their dates into a movie for free. And apparently the sense of unease and anxiety associated with "sneaking" is not an aphrodisiac. (I probably should have appreciated this would be the case. But I didn't. In fact, right after we got to our seats, I warned her that if the boss caught us, he would make us leave. I was 21. It never occurred to me that if that happened, it might be embarrassing.)

Operative ancient wisdom: One person's trash is another's treasure. With the appropriate modifications to fit the situation described above: One dork's "cool" is a hot chick's "lame" and "annoying."


Blogger Chris said...

One of my favorite theater stories was four of us driving down the interstate in a blizzard to see a movie. As the Ford Tempo lost control and began sliding sideways down the road, I hear our host say "We're ditchbound" in a very calm, matter-of-fact voice.

Two seconds later, the Ford Tempo was buried half-way up the doors.

7:21 AM, December 05, 2005  
Blogger Dongley Shlongford said...

Return trips to the buffet at Chez Pendulum are always free.
It seems to be popular.

10:06 AM, December 05, 2005  
Blogger garrett said...

We had fun diving down that snowy embankment, didn't we?

If I knew french I'd say "sacre bleu" or something apropos.

11:08 AM, December 05, 2005  
Blogger The Velvet Fog said...

My favorite thing about that trip, aside from the 360 we did in the ditch and Garrett turning into a laughing caricature of satan when I glanced at him, was the way we all jumped around like castaways when that State Trooper shined his spot-light on us. We were screaming for help like we had been there for days, and it was really about two minutes.

We still made the movie.

11:15 AM, December 05, 2005  
Blogger garrett said...

we suffered. we had to go to the later showing.

11:17 AM, December 05, 2005  
Blogger Complete Game said...

We used to take girls down to my bud's basement after a 'big' night out (throwing a couple burgers down them at the local country club on our arent's dime), and after watching TV for 10 minutes, I'd casually get up and say "President Reagan wants us to conserve electricity" or some other lame offering and hit the lights. Most times they'd say things like "What are you doing?" or "Why'd you turn the lights out?" One time his dog, Frosty, became agitated (likely from all the crappy Polo cologne smell) and attacked a stuffed animal lying in the basement, humping it until its stuffing was strewn about the room (thus the name, F-ckin Frosty). That we ever got laid is a miracle.

11:22 AM, December 05, 2005  
Blogger Chris said...

We were a bad-ass gang, no two ways about that.

11:29 AM, December 05, 2005  
Blogger garrett said...

Gamer, you are dating yourself nicely with that President Reagan reference!

2:35 PM, December 05, 2005  
Blogger Complete Game said...

I'm aware and assumed you would take that opening. But just look at me. I don't LOOK a day over 23!

2:57 PM, December 05, 2005  
Blogger FLAMINGO1 said...

I happen to have a picture of Mr. Game - Garrett, based on Mr. Game's claims of youthful 23-year-old appearances, SHOULD WE POST IT????

10:07 AM, December 06, 2005  
Blogger Complete Game said...

Feel free to post it. But don't include my e-mail cuz we gots limits on mailbox sizes here and the ladies will come runnin like kittens to the teet.

1:34 PM, December 06, 2005  
Blogger Truth Girl said...

I had some guy pull the free movie stunt relatively recently. It was for a showing of Lost in Translation. As he was a poor graduate student, and I was an overpriced lawyer, we split for dinner.

But then at the movie theatre, he said in a very gentlemanly fashion "I've got this." I stepped back to let him pay, only to see him pull out two free passes to the movie. I have no problem with free stuff; I have issues with pretending that free stuff isn't.

5:00 PM, December 06, 2005  
Blogger garrett said...

I'm sure something was just lost in the translation there regarding his chivalry. I can't imagine the difficulties he encountered wrangling those free tickets. He probably had to scale hill and dale, and battle dragons.

Or, even more likely, he was probably just trying to be funny.

Faux-chivalry for comedic effect is very popular these days. Also very unsuccessful, but you can't have everything. (Where would you put it? - Steven Wright)

5:06 PM, December 06, 2005  
Blogger PDD said...

When I was a prepeubescent punk I used to pretend that I was a film reviewer for an indie paper entitled LOUD. Of course no one had ever heard of that paper since I made it up on the spot on my first attempt. They bought it and that name stuck. I've seen many free movies, also being issued free tickets. When ever a friend tagged along I would say they were my editor. They bought it and always issued a free ticket for who ever was the sidekick at the time. Some required a specific laminated card that film reviewers are to present upon receiving their free ticket. I always said I forgot to bring it along or I misplaced it and am being issued another one via snail mail. Yada yada yada. Saw a lot of movies though. Both good and horrific.

3:56 PM, December 07, 2005  

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