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Friday, June 02, 2006

Credits and Debits are the Best Medicine

The funny stuff below was sent to me by the accountant at my new job. As you'll see, it is a parody of the scene in A Few Good Men where Tom Cruise (portrayed here by the "accounting" guy) is interrogating Jack Nicholson (portrayed here by the "operations" guy). I am happy to report that I think it's genuinely funny. I laughed, and you'll laugh, everybody wins.


Read it. You'll get a decent return on your time investment. I double dog guarantee it.

THE OIL FIELD EXPLAINED
(A FEW GOOD MEN STYLE)

Operations: "You want answers?"

Accounting: "I think we are entitled to them!"

Operations: "You want answers?!"

Accounting: "I want the truth!"

Operations: "You can't handle the truth!!!"

Operations (continuing): "Son, we live in a world that requires revenue. And that revenue must be brought in by people with elite skills. Who's going to find it? You? You, Mr. Accountant?

Operations (continuing): "We have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom.You scoff at operations and you curse our lucrative incentives. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what we know: that while the cost of business expenses may be excessive, they drive revenue. And my very existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, drives REVENUE! You don't want to know the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at staff meetings ... you want me on that well. You NEED me on that well!

Operations (continuing): "We use words like drilling, wellbore, fracture stimulation, lease automatic custody transfer, pumping unit and flow rate. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent building something. You use them as a punch line! I have neither the time nor inclination to explain myself to people who rise and sleep under the very blanket of revenue I provide and then question the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you contract a drilling rig and drill some wells. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!"

Accounting: "Did you expense the lap dances?"

Operations: "I did the job I was hired to do."

Accounting: "Did you expense the lap dances?"

Operations: "You're goddamn right I did!"


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Photo Credits: here.

3 Comments:

Blogger Chris said...

Sadly, I find it funny, too.

10:49 PM, June 01, 2006  
Blogger Complete Game said...

Such a great scene, and your adapation was fairly amusing, in a nerdy sort of way. It would help if I knew the two players better.

8:24 AM, June 05, 2006  
Anonymous Chaz said...

I almost nunchucked you, you don't even realize!

Mom! The meat loaf! Fuck!

1:17 PM, June 05, 2006  

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