THIS BLOG IS MY BLOG. THIS BLOG IS MY BLOG. Welcome to the Home of Hyperopia.: Mopping Up With the (Carlos) Zambrano(ni)

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Mopping Up With the (Carlos) Zambrano(ni)

The pitcher pitchered (sic) above chucked a purty good game for los Chicago Cubs yesterday evening. Carlos Zambrano is a reasonably large man. He throws a baseball reasonably accurately. And quite hard. He faced 21 hitters and got 21 outs through the first seven innings of play (he didn't have a "perfect game" going because he walked one guy then induced the next hitter to ground into a double play). In the eighth inning, unfortunately, he walked a guy then Preston Wilson singled through the gap created by the first baseman holding on the runner. So no no-no. De doo doo doo, de da da da.

As a loyal client of an excellent Houston law firm, an honorable gentleman honored at the end of this entry graciously invited me to join him to watch the game live and in person. From an expensive seat in the sixth row directly behind home plate. In the cluster of expensive seats known as "The Diamond Box."

It was spectacular.

Food and drinks (non-alcoholic) included. I gorged myself on club sodas (2), brisket (1 slab) with piles of picles, salad (with hard-boiled eggs and salt), ice cream (Dreyer's) and cotton candy.

I love cotton candy at a baseball game.

Just as an aside, one thing my brain remembered as I typed that paragraph at the beginning describing the action resulting in the end of Zambrano's bid to pitch a not-hitter is this -- the Cubs were ahead 8-0. Why bother holding the runner? Wouldn't it have been smarter baseball to just give the guy second base? Then you could have the field defended most effectively, increasing the chances of helping Zambano pitch a no hitter. Query whether this was an instance that customary baseball strategy was less than ideal.

Thinking about that led to my brain thinking about something else as well. What would the best hitters' averages be if there were only two outfielders? Could somebody hit .600? And if there were only two outfielders and if the best hitters were carrying .600 batting averages, what would the run-of-the-mill hitters' averages be -- over .400? .500? And if even the average hitters were .400 hitters, how many runs would be scored in an average game, 15 per side? And if 15 runs were scored per side, how long would the average game take to complete, 5 hours?

My conclusion? Designing the rules for the game of baseball had to be a damn complicated thing. Modifying the rules to keep up with players and coaches figuring out how to take advantage of imbalances between offense and defense must also be immensely challenging. Ah, for the love of sports.

* * *

Finally, as mentioned above, special, special thanks to the fine fellow smiling to the left of this paragraph.[1] It's a great pleasure and privilege to work with you, sir, and many thanks again for the fabulous entertainment.

I hope this entry was everything you expected and more!

By request, the photograph originally provided has been replaced with the caricature now pictured.


Blogger Dongley Shlongford said...

Gary Larson called.
His characters want their hair back.

3:10 PM, June 06, 2006  
Blogger Dongley Shlongford said...

My days are filled with taxidermy and polynesian cartography, not hockey so I could be wrong, but I don't think Zamboni's mop. They melt. Why would they sweat?

3:11 PM, June 06, 2006  
Blogger garrett said...

Nobody with an oversized strap-on, a sunken chest, and two mullets should be quibbling.

I'm just saying.

Hang ten, brother.

3:20 PM, June 06, 2006  
Blogger FLAMINGO1 said...

"Oversized" strap-on? Garrett, you may want to think about purchasing a big truck.

3:39 PM, June 06, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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3:58 AM, June 07, 2006  
Blogger garrett said...

SPAM = 15


11:22 AM, June 07, 2006  
Blogger FLAMINGO1 said...

What is your point? Are you saying that I need to comment more or are you suggesting that you want to put the word verification back on? Please stop being passive-aggressive and clearly state your position.

9:16 PM, June 07, 2006  
Blogger FLAMINGO1 said...


That is so refreshing to say to someone else for a change.

11:52 PM, June 15, 2006  

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