THIS BLOG IS MY BLOG. THIS BLOG IS MY BLOG. Welcome to the Home of Hyperopia.: On Doing the Right Thing - Part 1

Thursday, June 22, 2006

On Doing the Right Thing - Part 1

So earlier today I'm sitting in my desk chair at work. I'm behind my desk. A colleague is standing on the other side of my desk. We are discussing a fascinating topic: how to properly calculate the capital accounts of certain subsidiaries in our organizational structure, given the capital contributions made initially by those subsidiaries and subsequent developments.

Then, unexpectedly, my body promulgated a noise of considerable duration. The noise was plenty loud; I am totally certain the colleague heard it. In addition, the sound could have come from a variety of places on my body. The noise could have been occasioned by pressure in my body being released in a variety of ways.

Based on the tone, texture, and frequency of the sound, my unfortunate colleague could have believed that the noise was simply the result of things moving around inside my stomach. My colleague could also very easily have believed the noise was the inappropriate result of air escaping my body out the business end of my large intestine.

The real tragedy in this is that I was speaking when the noise began. And I was inadvertently and temporarily distracted by the noise so I stopped speaking. I probably had a look on my face like I was pleased to be experiencing the sensations of whatever was making the sound. It pains me to admit, as a matter of fact, that I was so distracted by how long the noise continued that I stopped talking and listened to it. I focused on it. This couldn't have helped, since the proper goal in this situation in an office setting (and most other settings) is to take some action to conceal what is actually happening: I should have yelped or slammed some books down on my desk or frantically clicked a pen or something.

But I didn't.

I haven't experienced very many noises quite like this one. I thought it was interesting. And I savored it. Inappropriately, I am sure.

All of the foregoing I have a reasonable handle on. What happened happened. There wasn't anything that could've been done about that. With greater foresight, I could've anticipated the sound, I could've anticipated my reaction, I could've tried some sort of red herring.

But I didn't.

What I'm not sure about is the decision I made in the moments right after the sound stopped.

Now this part is important. I can tell you fine people, with total and complete honesty, that the noise was simply a stomach gurgle. It was just a stomach gurgle. It was just a significant, very audible, quite long, and regrettably ambiguous stomach gurgle. Seriously.

So, given that, my question is this:
  • Right after the sound stopped, should I have acknowledged that the sound had occurred and assured my colleague that it was a stomach gurgle? Or was I correct to pretend it hadn't happened and just try to continue the conversation?

One other piece of data for you to consider as you prepare response: whether I made the right decisions or the wrong decisions in those difficult moments right after the sound stopped, I know I did one honorable thing -- I ended the meeting almost immediately after the sound and my colleague left my office. I figured that way if she thought it was a fart (which it wasn't), at least she would've been pleased to escape before she had to smell it.

Your input is hereby solicited.

Photo Credits: here


Blogger The Velvet Fog said...

Oh Great leapin' lizards.
I'm crying over here.
Shit, I don't know what you should have done, but that is some funny shit.

You probably should have gone ass over tea kettle and lit her up one giant fart. That would have sent her running for the hills, and she would have totally forgotten about your gurgle.

9:18 PM, June 22, 2006  
Blogger garrett said...

I received this advice by email (the contributor asked to remain anonymous so I won't tell you that his name is spelled _________):

ANSWER: Was the colleague male or female? If male, pretend it was a fart and start fanning the air toward such colleague with a folder or other similar implement on your desk. If female, mention how hungry you are.


9:34 PM, June 22, 2006  
Blogger crallspace said...

Since it wasn't a fart, I think you're OK.

When stuff like that happens, I creak my chair as an attempt to camouflage it all.

Gurgles can also be followed with, "Hmm, boy I'm hungry. Can you tell?!" kinda stuff... no... that's lame.

2:13 AM, June 23, 2006  
Blogger FLAMINGO1 said...

your anonymous e-mailer should have also included a heart-felt apology to the male co-worker for failing to ask him to pull your finger first. Clear social faux pas.

I think I would have mentioned that it was a stomach growl. Even if your co-worker didn't believe it, it creates a plausible reasonable doubt in their mind and you may avoid being called "Mr. Farty-Pants" for the remainder of your career.

11:48 AM, June 23, 2006  
Blogger PDD said...


I think what you are really trying to say is that you sharted. No stomach makes those sounds alone.

You must have had pork and saurkraut the night before.

I don't know if I agree with the Pink. I think I would have just continued on doing whatever it was I was doing. Mentioning it was a stomach growl just makes the other person feel awkward. Believe me, the other person would rather the "farter" or "sharter" not say a word about it. They would rather pretend that they didn't hear anything.

It would be interesting to see if they invite you out for lunch again.

9:00 PM, June 26, 2006  

Post a Comment

<< Home